TEENS

I used to think that depression and suicide were things that happened to other people, that the way I approached my life somehow prevented me from becoming a victim of mental illness. I realized just how incorrect that assumption was when my own life was turned upside down by major depression.

I first noticed that something was wrong in 8th grade. Apparently, so did one of my teachers, because she asked me if anything was wrong. Unfortunately, she did so in front of the whole class. From that day on, I put up a wall to protect myself from the embarrassment of having a stigmatized illness. I wore a mask—a façade—to cover up what I was actually going through. I didn’t feel comfortable sharing my feelings with any adults in my life at that time.

My depression continued in high school. I was hoping that someone—anyone—would bring up the topics of depression and suicide, so that I wouldn’t have to. In school, there were always lessons about alcohol, drugs, and safe sex—but never ONCE were depression or suicide mentioned. Maybe, just maybe, if the adults in my life had been educated in these topics, I would have felt comfortable asking for help, and I would have been spared years of suffering.

But I’m one of the lucky ones. I did get help. I’m here today as the voice of those who are not yet being heard – the child who’s sitting in a class full of students thinking he or she is the only one feeling this way…or the teen who can’t focus in school because he or she is trapped by the isolation and pain of depression.

Help IS available—ask your friends, your resource staff at school, your parents, or call the suicide hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255). The right resources are there—look for them—because they CAN save your life!

And a Message From Mindi Worosz, 

a mother who lost her 17-year-old son, Conner

I am coming to you as a mother, nothing else. Hoping that in a dark moment you can stop for a few seconds to put yourself or your own mother in my shoes.

I am not one to share my feelings on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter etc. but I really can’t keep this inside anymore. Others in my family have been able to share their feelings but I’ve been paralyzed by the pain inside me. Afraid if I open my mouth to say anything only screams of pain and anguish will come out. If Conner knew the pain we would all be in he would never have gone through with it. The pain is physical, mental and emotional. You demand answers that will never come. Since October I can physically feel my heart breaking. I am a broken person and yet I have other children and a husband that need me. So, I don’t get the luxury of staying in despair.

Living the last 6 months has been like living two separate lives. Out in front you seem strong and you get up every day to go through the next. You smile, you work, you live. But there is always the pressure inside your chest, the tears that can begin to fall at any second and the indescribable pain you feel to not have your child here with you, the ache in your soul with questions. How that life was wasted so early. Imagine losing someone you love, someone who is a part of you, imagine they were murdered and how angry you would be at the person that killed them. Now imagine the person that killed them was the same person you are mourning. Imagine on top of the pain and loss you feel, you have the confusing anger to deal with. Anger at your child, anger at God for allowing this to happen, anger at yourself because you feel there HAD to be something that you could have done to change this outcome. And then you come right back around to more pain knowing your child was hurting so badly that he felt ending his life was the only answer. The turmoil is endless. He thought life would just go on without him, and it does you can’t stop life from happening, it just continues with a huge piece of your heart gone. However, my life is filled with a streak of blinding pain within than never goes away. Each holiday or major milestone that pain only intensifies. I miss him EVERY day in way that words just can’t express.

I want you to understand that every mother has a story written when their baby is born. The story may change as they grow. You don’t have a clear vision of what job they will have or how much money they will have because none of that matters. The story is one where you can see them at different ages a toddler, a teenager, graduation, college, marriage, holding their own children and growing old with us, the parents, waiting for them in heaven. You teach them right from wrong, to be faithful to God, to be kind and show love, how to be a good friend, husband, wife etc. You may not like who they date or marry or things they’ve done during that life. They make mistakes it’s your job to teach them mistakes are ok. Mistakes are what helps us grow to become the adults we hope to see. No one expects perfection. Perfection is only what we put on ourselves to be. But you NEVER have a story where they take their own life and leave this one before you. It’s not natural it goes against everything you’ve Ever thought! I look at Conner’s little brother and his story has now changed. He won’t have the comradery and guidance that I thought he would as he grows into a young man. He no longer has a big brother to teach him about girls and how to be cool in high school, play sports with, to give him his first drink. My heart breaks for him every day.

Conner was a good son, a good friend, a kind person and funny. SO funny and lovable. He didn’t suffer from years of depression or from any other mental illness that we knew of. He was an athlete with many friends and a great employee for Top Golf. We didn’t put undue stress on him for excellent grades. We always expected him to try his best but if his best was a C that was ok. So I guess what I’m saying is that if someone like him could turn to this as an answer then no one is immune. Dark thoughts, trying times and pain from relationships happen in everyone’s life. It is life. It’s how you cope with them that matters. Talk to someone, please. You can come out of the dark into something better, but not alone.

There seems to be an epidemic involving our young lives today. Suicide is not the answer. There are so many people reaching out to students. Friends, adults, and counselors and I truly hope it continues. However, I wanted you to hear from a mother of a young man who decided suicide was the answer to his pain. If he had come to me or anyone else there would be a different outcome. His father and I would have moved heaven and earth to help him. But instead he suffered in silence and chose a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It did not have to be this way. Trust the people that love you. If dark thoughts creep in, talk about it and you can get through it without hurting so many others.

Since October there have been several suicides in Fairfax and Loudon Counties alone. I know life seems hard at times but if you have thoughts of ending your own life then you must know that your actions go so farther than that. You are desperately hurting the ones that love you and need you. I’ve lost a son, a friend and a future that should have been. If you find yourself thinking life would go on without you like you were never here, you are wrong. It changes the story of so many lives. Pause for a minute and think about your parents, your siblings, your grandparents and all the people that love you. Their pain continues long after you leave.

Hoping another mother never feels this way,

– Mindi Worosz